Considering how good looking my husband is 🙂 ❤ *snigger*, I get asked quite a bit how we both managed to keep our hands off each other till we got married. Bhahahahahahaha Yes! I didn’t kiss my husband till we were married
Funny story – my friend went to church with his mum and fiancee, she was a bit nervous or shy or whatever, and my friend held her hand, to make her feel less nervous. Apparently his mum side eyes him and asks why they’re holding hands. 😀 love it
As Christians, do we sometimes go overboard when it comes to these things? What’s wrong with a bit of hand holding, and maybe a cuddle, or a kiss, fondling…….are these gray areas, and what does God really expect of us and why do some people categorise these things as sexual sin?
God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin. Then each of you will control his own body and live in holiness and honor— not in lustful passion like the pagans who do not know God and his ways. 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 (NLT)
I did a little survey asking people what they think God says about kissing/making out. A lot of people said they were unsure, some said it’s based on conviction. The Bible definitely does not say “Thou shalt not kiss before marriage” but I believe the Bible teaches that ALL sexual activity outside of marriage is sin.
Kissing is sexual activity and it makes us lust after the person. But is it possible for kissing not to be a sexual activity and to kiss without lust? Yes, if you’re kissing your mum or your brother! Chances are if my husband and I had made out before we got married, it wouldn’t have ended there. Even if it did end there physically, my hormones would have been raging, and my mind would have gone down the path of “oooooo what’s next…”
I don’t buy the “just kissing” thing, nor the “everything but sex” thing. If we are honest with ourselves, we know that those little kisses and touches arouses us, and there’s no way you would describe a kiss with someone you fancy as holy & honorable and not passionate lust then fair enough. 1 Timothy 5 tells us to treat men/women as our brothers/sisters with ABSOLUTE purity. Absolute is 100%. Complete. God wants us to be pure.
But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.- Ephesians 5:3 (NIV)
God’s standards are pretty clear. He calls us to present our bodies as living sacrifices, holy and acceptable to Him. We should be dead to the flesh and our earthly nature. I’m not saying it’s easy, cos I know it’s not. I went through it with my husband, and sometimes people think it’s easier to abstain in long distance relationships, I actually think it’s worse, because there’s more temptation to be sultry, send a provocative picture, and feast your mind on “what will happen the next time you see”, and then think some more about it. Our minds are powerful, and we often underestimate the power of our minds. We interact with people who tell us being physical is the way to express love to someone, we don’t want to be the weird person that hasn’t kissed their significant other, we don’t want our friends to laugh at us, even Disney tells us that’s what we need to do and we immerse our minds in these things which in turn makes the seed of that lust to germinate in our hearts, which almost always leads to sex dreams 😥
There’s so much pressure from the society to have sex, be sexy, use our bodies, even in the church, there’s no getting away from it. It’s probably worse among the people that call themselves Christians. People want to make sure they are sexually compatible, or whatever else. I know a lot of people who take so much pride in the fact that they haven’t lost their virginity. Purity according to God’s standard isn’t about “saving” yourself for your spouse. In time past, it could well have been, but God looks at our hearts!
But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:28 (NLT)
For out of the heart come evil thoughts–murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. Matthew 15:19 (NLT)
Just because you have not done the physical act does not mean you are pure! Refraining from sex can become so religious and legalistic that you forget why you are even doing it- it can literally become an idol. So when you’re wearing abstinence like a badge of honor, it’s no wonder the rest of your standards fail miserably. The goal was to be made into His image now it’s simply to not have sex.
We cannot mock God. He expects us to be pure and holy, just as He is. Sexual urges are natural. God created sex, and He knows how our bodies work, that is why we are cautioned in so many places about sexual sin. We are to guard our hearts and learn how to control our bodies and meditate on things that edify.
Some people say they’ve had a promiscuous past so it’s impossible for them to stop having sex or thinking about sex. And the whole “once you pop you can’t stop” thing. And a lot of other things, even some of the leaders in churches have issues with it. But it’s not impossible. I said that to someone once, and he said I wouldn’t understand. I actually do understand because I lost my virginity before I came to Christ, so I’m not speaking about something that may be possible theoretically, but speaking from the experience I’ve had, and I know that the grace of God is sufficient for each and every one of us. We can’t do it on our own, we need the grace of God.
For the grace of God has come forward for the deliverance from sin and the eternal salvation for all mankind. It has trained us to reject and renounce all ungodliness and worldly (passionate) desires, to live sensibly, righteously, and godly in this present age. Titus 2:11-12 (AMP & NASB)
So what can we do; and what should we do practically?? We should renew our minds, transform our thoughts. Be careful of the things we watch, listen to and meditate on. I was a TV show junkie, there was nothing I didn’t watch, but now I have to pick and choose what I can watch. We need to flip our minds to the mind set of God. Have a full on mind detox… Clean out the filth in our hearts by His cleansing power and meditate on things that edify us….Philippians 4:8
This does not apply to unmarried people alone, but also to married people, my husband likes to steer clear of anything rated higher than PG13. Why? Because he doesn’t want to pollute his mind 😀 But that’s him, and what he believes is the best way to keep his mind pure from strong language, or violence, or sexual images. It is this lack of guarding the mind that leads to things like addiction to pornography! With all the easy access to”soft porn” on social media, we need to be more watchful and more vigilant about what we expose ourselves to.
We should not test and set limits for sexual sin, 2 Timothy 2:22 says we should FLEE from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith…. peace with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart. It’s easy to get caught up in emotions and feelings and feel we need to express our affection in a certain way. Or we want to express our emotions a certain way, but we really need to be careful and cautious because what goes on inside us matters as well, so just because “it was just a hug” doesn’t mean what was going on inside of you was “just a hug”. Our bodies are the temple of God, and every time we are sexually immoral, we desecrate it; our bodies should be kept a fitting dwelling place for HIM because he owns our bodies, we should therefore act accordingly.
Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20 (NKJV)
We should surround ourselves with people that we can be accountable to, people that will tell us the truth and rebuke us in love, and help us stay on the right path. People that love the Lord and want to do His will.
Too many of us hide in our secret sexual sin because we’re ashamed and fear the judgment we may receive. In our attempt to escape judgment, we miss opportunities to receive encouragement and guidance from our brethren, many of whom experienced similar struggles. We can’t effectively pray for each other if we don’t know what to pray for. So let’s open up to faithful brothers/sisters we can trust and take advantage of the healing that results from prayers of the righteous.
I’ll end this post with two heartfelt pleas: To those of you who have not succumbed to sexual sin, please stay strong, stay on guard, and keep trusting in The Lord. Please know you aren’t missing out by waiting until marriage. God’s plan for sex is for our benefit, and the consequences of rebelling against Him are great. To those of you who have made mistakes, please know you are not alone and you don’t have to secretly wallow in your sin or guilt. Thankfully God’s grace is greater than ALL our sins, and He is able that frees us from the bondage of sexual sin. That’s what I will discuss in my post next week, along with some practical tips for fighting sexual temptation in the future.
I would also like to hear from you, yes you! On practical tips for fighting sexual temptation!